no matter how hard i try .. i cant get rid of these feelings .. these feelings that shouldnt matter because they're not the same that i would only hope he would have. n as much as i try. i can never have him ... ever.
lolz. DAMNZ. i havnt updated this shiitz in a long time. o wellz. omg. this sux. it wuz kinda funnie wen we figured it out .. but its sad. me n mah sista can only get into community colleges. we juss noe it. i mean . yea i noe i slack off like tha whole nite n don do mah homework n everything. but thas cuz i don get sleep. but mah sista. shes in tha 8th grade. n shez juss WORSE than me. like rite now ... she has 3 projects to do tonite that are due tomorrow. n i tried to wake her up this mornin so she can work on it. but shes like .. "yea yea ..." n she dozes off. at least i do mah projects 3 nites b4 its due. but SHE ... she juss waits 3 HOURS b4 she goes to sleep. lolz. shes so fuckin stoopid dawg. haha .. like me! newayz. yea. we're bad. =/


oct 12th .. holy shiiiiz. we got our hc pix. they look so BAD! omg. ew. we juss took a group pic. but thank gawd we didnt take a couple pic .. cuz if we did. it would have been juss a waste uv money. neway. eh .. its official. i do not like chris nemore.

oct 11th .. wutz wrong with me?? why can't my mind decide if i like chris or not? mah frend made a point today bout it. she sed i still like him ... but i juss wanna refuse to like him because uv wut he sed. n shes rite. i really still like him .. for all tha same reasons b4 wut he sed. but because uv wut he sed .. its preventing me to still like him. n i guess that actually can stop me frum likin him cuz it has SO much effect on how i should feel towards him. oh. i wuz so scared too today cuz we had a cfsa (clements filipino student association) meeting afta skool .. n hes in it. n since i decided to stop liking him yesterday . i havent seen him since yesterday morning. n i wuznt shur yet if i would be comfortable around him .. u noe .. juss because. but i still went to tha meeting neway . n it was okae. im not uncomfortable around him. but neway. i juss don noe ne more. everytime i say i get over sumone .i do. but then i see em .. n i fall fo him again .. totally ignoring that i wuz tryin to get over him. oooo . wut am i to do ...

oct 10th .. okae. i don like chris ne more. mah frend talked to him today n she wuz like .. "so wutz tha deal wit arlene?" .. "iono. i juss heard that she likes me a lot." "yea she duz. so u thinkin bout askin her out?" "i don have time fo gurlz." "so do u think shes kyoote?" "shes okae" "o." then she felt all bad tellin me this cuz i got all upset n shit. but its okae that i found out today .. bein all pissed n shit. rather than findin out .. like in 2 weeks. because if i found out lata than wen i have .. i would juss be thinkin suttin could happen between us .. .wen its not. n i would be devestated n all. nah mean? n gawd. i juss don wanna stop likin him. cuz if u really noe me.. u would figure it out that this iz tha first guy that i actually like like... n not tha like it wuz wit tha otha guys. cuz u noe .. he has everything i want in a guy n stuff. n its juss that .. ugh. iono. im so lost. ::thinkin:: *eric: omg. u like guys for 20 min. n then boom! u dont. its like yer at tha movies. u start ta like him durin tha previews. then wen its tha credits .. yer like .. i don like him ne more.*

oct 9th .. ha! u ppl hafta go ta band nite .. n i dont! tehehehe

oct 8th .. today i wuz tellin everyone how much i like chris. hehe. it wuz weird tho. cuz they were like .. again?! *for all u ppl who dont noe .. i used ta like him in tha 8th grade* n yea. im juss happy weneva me n mah frenz talk bout him n everything. BUT. i wuz gettin a lot uv SHIT today too frum ppl wen they found out i went to hc wit him. they're all like .. 'omg. iznt he gay?' or 'ew wtf! hes gay!' n i would juss bitch at them .. tellin them hes not. cuz he iznt. n god. it juss pissed me off so much tha WHOLE day. i wuz gettin most uv tha SHIT frum ryan. as much as i luv him .. he wuz juss madd dawgin tha whole time. n he wuznt tryin to annoy me or nething. he wuz juss tryin to get it straight that he thinks chris is gay. wen he IZNT. GOT IT?! damn

oct 7th .. omg. wen i wuz talkin to ashlee earlier at 3am .. i finally decided that i like chris again. cuz durin hc . it wuz coming back to me . but i wuznt shur. but then i nu it while i wuz on tha fone. n its so weird. her nite wuz kinda like mine. we got to be wit our guys n everything. n we both decided that we need ta go all out on them. eeek.im so happy. i like chris doan =)



oct 6th .. fuuuuuuuuuuck. i tried SO hard to wake up n to attempt to do mah nailz again. but nooooo.. i wuz too tired n ended wakin up at 10am. damn. well afta eatin n takin a shower .. i get mah skirt n cut tha slits higher cuz they ended at mah knees . n thas juss too short fo slits. so i decided to cut them to higher than half uv mah thigh. nooow it looks sexy. lolz. it took me like 3 hours to get mah skirt done. afta that i had to pick up so last minute stuff fo hc. i got home n started to get ready at 7 cuz i nu i couldnt do mah hair if i didnt have 2 hours. o yea .. kristine couldnt come ova n do mah hair. damnit. o wellz. so .. it actually did take me 2 hours to do mah hair. n i wuz suppose to get to hc frum 9 - 9.30. n i got dun wit mah hair at 9.05. THEN i had to get dressed n get mah make up on. so that took until like .. 9.20ish. n i had to get mah own ride there since chris wuz at tha football game n he had to do otha shitz. so i got there at 9.30 . thinkin i wuz late. but i wuznt. thank gawd. then time wuz passin by so slowly. n nex thing u noe .. its 10. wtf. but leah comes in .. n i wuz so relieved. *we went as a group. i wuz with chris. leah was with joe. jeannie was wish ben. and sarah was with alex.* she told me that chris told her to call me n not to get to hc until like 9.45 -10 since he wuznt ready. but she called at 9.30 .. wen i already left. so yea. i wuz waitin at tha door .. lookin like an idiot. thank gawd there wuznt ne one kyoote walkin thru tha doors while i wuz waitin. afta a couple minutes .. ben . chris . joe. n jeannie walk in. *alex n sarah were gunna come late.* n wen they did .i saw a necklace in one uv chris' hand n a corsage in tha otha. damnz. so he gives me tha necklace .. n i take off tha one i wuz wearin n put on tha one he gave me. then he put tha corsage on mah wrist. it wuz so sweet. omg. i think this is so freaky. okae. on friday he asks me wut color i wuz wearin. n i sed black. n i wuz bout ta ask him to wear all black n a silver tie cuz ... havent u seen those hot azn guys wear all black n a silver tie?! omg do they look so fuckin yummie! lolz. so i wanted him to wear that .. but i didnt want to actually tell him wut to wear .. i didnt say nething. so wen i saw him walk into tha door .. i wuz like .. ooo.. myyy.. gaaawd. lolz. he seriously read mah mind. well afta we got in around 10.10 pm . no one wuz dancin ..n we were like wtf. n me n chris wanted to dance already cuz .. well . thas tha way we are. we hear music .. we dance. so we decided to juss get sumwhere n group up n juss stand there. ha. how sad. well me n chris danced .. jeannie n ben refused to dance .. n joe n leah wanted to .. but didnt. a slow song finally came on so all uv us finally danced. afta a while alex n sarah come. so we decided to go take our pic. afta that ... we go back to go dance .. n all these ppl juss show up .. dancin. wtf iz up wit that. newayz.. we go back n dance. we danced like tha whole time. 3 fuckin hours. so long. but it wuz great since me n chris r good dancers. lolz. damnz. tha dj's songs were so good! mostly all uv it wuz hip hop n r&b. kicked ass. cept fo those occasional pop or country . which didnt suck that much. oo .. there wuz like this salsa song on .. n chris decided to teach me a sum things .. ASSUMING i didnt noe how. lolz.. well i ended up playin it off acting like i really didnt noe how to do those salsa thingies. n it wuz weird.. random ppl were lookin at us .. talkin ..n i wuz like .. wtf u lookin at bitch?! lolz.. but then they were copyin off uv us afta that! i felt so speical. lolz. well like 2 hours lata or suttin like that .. they played a swing song. n nun uv us nu how to swing. cept ben *i think*. but he didnt want to. so me n chris juss winged it n made suttin up. well .. he made almost all uv it up i guess. iono. n it wuz so fun cuz like .. i had ta twirl around ... n stuff... n like .. well it wuz juss fun. then we kept on doin it n ppl were juss watchin. i felt all special again. lolz. thanx to chris fo bein tha great dancer he iz. n afta that ppl were like . where'd u learn that? i told them we juss made it up. n they're like .. damn yer good! .. yea .. we noe. haha. newayz. afta tha last song.. tha lights went on n ppl were leavin. we were tryin to go to dennys .. but it didnt work out. so we all juss went home. damn. i had such a great time. i don think i had such a great time fo a while. so i wuz happy. i go home n its like 1.30 in tha mornin. i wanted to call up mah cousin ashlee in chicago cuz it wuz her hc too. n i wanted to see how it went fo her. i enede up callin her at 3 n we talked until 4.45. she had juss as much fun as i did. its in tha blood dude. newayz. i such a great time. damn i luved it.

oct 5th .. i ordered chris's garter. i got it durin lunch. damnz. it looked good wit our namez on it .. lolz. i gave it to him afta skool. gotta hug . yay. lolz. newayz. i go home n try ta do mah nailz .. but tha fuckin air bubbles keep poppin up. so i wuz like . screw this.

oct 4th .. i ask chris if he wanted a garter. n hes like .. o no .. i don want u to spend ne money on hc. ''but i wanna get u one.'' okae ..if u want to. so rite afta i sed that . i wuz talkin to sumone else ..n i heard rakhee ask him immediately if he wuz gunna get me a mum. n he sed no. grrr. ::sniff:: i wanted a mum. n rakhee nu it. thas why she asked. n everyone else nu i wanted a mum. o wellz.

oct 3rd .. chris asks me if i bought mah ticket yet.. n i sed no. so hes like .. okae imma pay fo it. damnz! i wuznt expectin that to happen. i wuz like .. omg no its okae. n he sed .. no no.. i got it. awww.. so sweet uv him. newayz. u noe how i wanted a mum rite? well .. he didnt say nething about it. but i didnt wanna be like .. bitch get me a mum. so i decided to wait. o wow. im not spendin a DIME on hc. chris got mah ticket .. i have mah skirt .. im borrowin tha shirt .. got mah shoes .. n gettin mah hair done by mah frend. koooool. lolz.i sound so cheep. =/

oct 2nd .. today passed by pretty kwik. i guess cuz i was waitin fo chris ta ask me to hc. lolz .. im so pathetic. newayz. sharon asked chris again wen he'll ask me. n he sed afta skool. so we were waitin at our locker n talkin to rakhee n stuff .. n i wuz juss lookin down tha hallway .. not noein who wuz there cuz i wuz juss starin. n i heard sumone say mah name. n i look n it wuz chris. then i started freakin out. but not physically cuz he wuz lookin at me. n i wuz juss sayin out loud .. omg sharon omg omg omg. then he comes up ta me n asks me to hc. AAHHHH! yay! lolz. now i have a date to hc! this is ssooooo great. i luv mah life....

oct 1st .. tehehehe. yea. i gotz flowerz frum ate kris n a lil gift frum nitasha. thanx gurlz! u da bestest fo rememberin mah bday. newayz. no rehearsal! yay . that means i could go out to dinner without smellin like shit. so yea. we went ta olive garden. good stuff. got a guess watch frum mah rentz n a $200 check so i can use it fo nu york. awhoo hoo!
omg. afta starin off long n hard in band .. thinkin uv tha "ideal" guy to go to hc wit .. i thot uv him. mine n sharon'z ideal guy had ta be azn .. couldnt be cocky .. had ta be kyoote .. good dancer ..reasonable height .. n we had ta be frenz wit him. n i thot uv chris doan. so i started freakin out cuz i didnt noe why i neva thot uv him wen we were makin our "hc date list." lolz. newayz. i asked sharon if chris wuz goin wit neone .. but she didnt noe. so tha plan wuz to find out wen she had english wit him. buuuut .. we ended up askin his cousin alex if chris wuz goin .. n instead uv tellin me 'yes' or 'no' .. he busted out .. "OMG! U STILL LIKE HIM! AAAAAHH!!" stoopid bitch! i don like him nemore. that wuz in 8th grade. then he wuz like .. "u wanna chris to ask u to hc?" n i sed yea. so him n tiff went to talk to him n god-noes-what alex added to what he needed to say. sooooo .. afta 7th .. sharon told me wut she sed ta chris. n she sed yea he'll ask me .. hopefully afta skool. so i was waitin around fo him .. but i had ta go. so he didnt ask me. but he wuz tryin to get to me. so OMG. mah bday wish DID come tru! DAMNZ! this cant get ne better .. well .. it can wen he ACTAULLY asks me. lolz.

sept 30th .. oohh aahh.. tha day b4 mah day! yay. lolz.

sept 29th .. varsity football .. clements vs. willowridge. omg their band kicks ass. playin all tha ghetto music n shit. damnz. me n mah *ghetto mami* julia were gettin our freak on. lolz . not wit each otha ... juss gettin jiggy wit tha songz. newayz. we went ta cici's afta that. yea it wuz a great nite.

sept 28th .. *mah twin cousin* ron's 15th bday ::::: gRRRz. no date to hc! wtf sharon. we sed we would go out n find a date like a month ago! n now its only a week left to hc! DAMNIT! mah only wish fo mah bday iz ta have a date to hc n ta get a mum. lolz. i think a mum iz really important fo hc if u have a date .. fo ONCE i want ONE wish to come tru...